Final Exam: Wasteful Americans, ENG 096, Dec. 2003

This entry stood as the Final Exam assigned for Professor Lawrence Checkett’s ENG 096 class of Dec. 2003. The prompt is obvious, as is the three page-three point thesis sentence format. Another rudimentary work.

English Department Final Exam

In the days of phrases like: ‘individually wrapped’, ‘disposable’, and ‘throwaway’ it seems like Americans could, at any moment, be literally buried in a heap of extraneous packaging and wrappings. Nowadays, most everything comes in an easy-open, collapsible, disposable container. Whatever happened to ‘use and reuse’? Even something as gargantuan as a piece of furniture comes with its own full complement of packing and wrappers. Waste receptacles shudder at the sight of a disposable paper grocery bag, chocked full of cardboard and plastic all waiting to be emptied and jammed into the nearest waste can. With the amount of disposable materials Americans use, the inaccessibility of recycling centers, and the American attitude towards waste management, the idea that Americans are wasteful is not altogether unreasonable.

A trip to the local grocer can be a perfect example of the amount of expendable packaging used in production. Shelves upon shelves of plastic pouches and bottles, all holding but a few servings line the walls. Aluminum cans and cardboard boxes which, once opened, have served a purpose and will fade happily into trash-compactor oblivion. Tiny little candy rolls or spheres of gum are all individually wrapped; however, each also hide in yet another brightly colored crinkly cellophane package. All of these wondrous, well-wrapped items were undoubtedly shipped in larger boxes, on large, rickety, throwaway skiffs, in a truck which, when retired, will end up rusting somewhere in a dusty scrap yard.

One answer to all of the mess is Recycling The sorting, shipping and reusing of old materials to create new ones has had proven results; however, this takes a little extra thought and time. Most citizens are so busy and so focused on what needs to be done, the extra second necessary to put an empty soda can into a bin marked ‘aluminum’, just doesn’t seem worth the trouble. Few realize paper bags which held groceries today may later be used to make insulation for houses tomorrow, a stretch for sure, but better than the alternative. Being buried under a trash heap should not be the future of society. Also, there are relatively few home-based recycling programs; programs which would cost slightly more do not seem to interest most individuals, unless of course said program is on pay-per-view. Moreover, no man, woman or child feels elated over the thought off rooting through household garbage and separating glass, paper, and plastic and then figuring out what t do with everything else.

Of course, not all citizens are unaware of the current waste problem. On the contrary, many are, but the problem is an unwillingness to be concerned with an issue that seems so very far away. The attitude of “it doesn’t affect me, I’ll be dead before this happens” is a very common attitude. Many citizens are of the feeling that, if the problem is not next door, it does not exist. Most do not see heaps upon heaps of waste; therefore some that the problem is not so big a deal. But waste management is a big deal. If the citizens of today do not feel the true effects, chances are the children of today will later on down the road. Do parents want their children to inherit a broken home?

The problem of waste management and recycling has been in public awareness for quite some time. Although steps are being taken, the change is not nearly radical enough to even slow the increase in waste production, let alone reverse the damage already done. With things like war, pestilence, outbreak, pollution and the ever-ominous terrorism, the amount of waste which America is sitting in seems little in comparison. Though time has told, time and time again, the little things are the ones which always seem to come back to haunt.

Persuasive Essay "The Chair Gets the Hot Seat"

Professor Gayle Feng-Checkett’s Eng. Comp. 102 class. May 4, 2005. Persuasive essay with light research, in-text citations, works cited-MLA style.

The ‘Chair Gets the “Hot Seat”

By Nathaniel E. Kistner

Since the days of the earliest American colonies, and even longer before that, the classical, underlying theme of criminal law has always been something to the effect of: “an eye for an eye”, a life for a life. Laws like this were literally carved in stone (specifically diorite), such as the code of laws written by Hammurabi of Babylonia. This idea is perhaps most notably manifested in the spirit, if not the practice, of the death penalty. On the face, the concept of a penalty of death seems overtly logical. Taking a life begets punishment; the punishment for killing is death. Were it only that simple would a modern system of capital punishment be appropriate; however, these days are far more complicated. These days, the legal processes and legislature involving capital punishment in the United States have become so contrived, so inefficacious, that it has created a money draining, prison filling, court overwhelming, societal terror that reaps little positive benefits, if any. Some would argue that reform is possible and necessary. Unfortunately, in so litigious a society which holds human rights in such high regard as the United States, what could possibly be reformed without someday returning to its’ present unfortunate state of occlusion? Plainly put, the death penalty was once an effective deterrent, but in these complicated times, it simply doesn’t do much of anything anymore, literally. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that the death penalty has

become an outdated concept, which has proven an inefficient deterrent and a costly endeavor that ultimately yields only negative results for society as a whole.

The death penalty has become what experts would jokingly call somewhat of a “growth industry”. Due to the complex legislature and legal processes involving capital offenses, executions are rarely carried out and inmates sit on death row for years. This gives little credence to arguments for the death penalty as a means of removing dangerous offenders from society. In 2001, there were 3,581 inmates total awaiting execution in the United States (Table 6.76, Bureau...). Out of all of those inmates, only 66 of them were executed that year under civil authority (Table 6.76). So what became of the 3,515 who were not executed? Most of them are still there. Like killer Gary Alvord of Florida, who has been on death row since 1973, and is still using up some of his appeals in the courts (“Anger and Amb…”). Or the 109 death row prisoners of Georgia who have been guests of the green mile since 1980 (“Anger and Amb…”), a year in which no executions whatsoever were carried out under civil authority (Table 6.75). Murderer Duncan McKenzie was the first person to be executed in the state of Minnesota since FDR’s third term, after avoiding the needle for 20 years, and only losing his final stay of execution by a single vote (“Anger and Amb…”). Statistics show that for every one person executed in the United States, an average of 5 new inmates land on death row (Anger and Amb…). This system of punishment is creating a pileup which experts say could only be cleared up if states began to execute one person per diem until the year 2022 (“Anger and Amb…”), a solution which, suffice it to say, is unlikely by far. With

the system of capital punishment in such sorry shape, many arguments that proponents of the death penalty would offer are shoddy at best. The entire ‘incapacitation’ effect that was supposed to be the desired outcome of capital punishment is not being realized anymore, not by a long shot. The US Bureau of Justice Statistics stated that beginning in 1992 the number one killer of inmates on death row has been “Natural Causes” (Anger and Amb…”). This one fact is a sad irony, but successfully sums up the result of an ineffective system of punishment. Alex Kozinsky, a federal judge known for upholding death sentences, one of the most outspoken and conservative proponents of the death penalty out of all federal judges, calls the American system of Capital Punishment the “Worst of all worlds…” (“Anger and Amb…”), stating that: “We have constructed a machine that is extremely expensive, chokes our legal institutions…, and ultimately produces nothing like the benefits we would expect from an effective system of Capital Punishment.” (“Anger and Amb…”).

Further strengthening the perception of capital punishment to be a “growth industry” is a startling overabundance of data supporting the argument that capital punishment is an economic drain. As illogical as it may seem, a system of capital punishment is far and away more costly than life imprisonment for any offender in any state at any security level. De facto, in all jurisdictions with a death penalty, the aggregate cost of a single execution is, on average, double that of life imprisonment (“…Is an Ineffective…”). Supporters would claim that executing a prisoner gets them out of the system and off the books for good, and logically would cost less money than keeping them alive and imprisoned for the duration of their natural life. On the face, this

is a logical argument, but the fact of the matter still remains that a death penalty is much more complicated than a simple condemnation to death and the execution of such a sentence. New York’s average death penalty trial alone costs $1.4 million, more than double the cost of one life imprisonment (“…Is an Ineffective”). In Texas, one of the biggest and most active death penalty states, the average cost of one case of capital punishment is approximately 52.3 million dollars, three times the amount of one life-imprisonment in that state in a maximum-security prison (“…Is an Ineffective…”). So why, if capital punishment expunges the system of offenders has it become such an expensive measure? Truthfully, and as mentioned before, a death sentence is hardly a sentence to death, but rather a long sentence of internment with a threat of death tagged on the end. The real source of the extraneous cost incurred by capital punishment lay in the existence of the capital trial, and it is too often not just one capital trial, but a capital trial, a conviction, and a long string of appeals which can linger on for decades. With a capital trial, the stakes are clearly much higher, having a human life in the balance. Prosecutors and defense attorneys begin to pull out all the stops. Staff will be removed from other cases to help with a capital trial; money will be spent on expert witnesses, and extensive research will be done in order to make a case. The cost of the average capital trial tends to be many times that of any trial regarding a non-capital offense. In Kentucky, for example, the average capital trial costs within the range of $2-5 million, and in North Carolina, the state spends an average of $2.16 million more on one capital trial alone than it does on the average non-capital trial including the cost of life imprisonment (“…Is an Ineffective…”). These “normal cases” pale in cases like that of

Thurgood Marshall from Thurston County Washington, who in 1999 cost the state $346,000 dollars to condemn his to third death sentence (“…Is an Ineffective…”). He then racked up costly hospital bills while the state saved him from liver disease so that he could live until he made it to the chair, or at least of course to until he made his most recent sentencing hearing. That hearing alone ran the state another $700,000 legal bill (“…Is an Ineffective…”). Admittedly, the aforementioned is an extreme case, but it simply goes to show what kind of unexpected expenses can and do crop up in a seemingly simple system. The high costs of capital trials drain away valuable revenues from state budgets, leaving other state programs with their hands tied and their wallets empty. Police departments and other government departments are forced to make cutbacks, like New Jersey’s cutbacks in 1991, a year in which the state police department had to lay-off 500 officers in order to put into place a $16 million death penalty program (“…Is an Ineffective…”). The budget cuts of Florida and ten other states for the sake of capital punishment resulted in the early release of thousands of inmates who had only served an average of 20% of their sentences (“…Is an Ineffective…”). Perhaps the saddest and most ironic side effect of all of this misguided spending is the loss of funding for victim advocacy and recovery programs. Money for victim recovery programs such as counseling, therapy and other state-funded plans has become scarce to nonexistent. Such funding problems lead to a focus on retribution rather than reconciliation, a system in which all of the attention (and money) is spent on the perpetrators, and the victims are left in the dust. Where, in such a system, is justice being served?

Capital Punishment, in its current state of crippling mutilation has lost most of the effectiveness that it once had in days of yore. Public executions, while graphic and terrible, left their mark on society and instilled fear in the hearts of any malcontents, offering an “in your face” style of crime and punishment. Any executions performed these days are done somewhat under the radar; moreover, the fact still remains that the amount of death sentences actually carried out pale in comparison to the amount of sentences that aren’t. Proponents of the death penalty would argue for the deterrent effect of capital punishment, but to be blunt, a penalty of death that doesn’t usually kill anyone is not much of a deterrent at all. Instead of being made an example of, inmates are kept locked up indefinitely with a dubious threat of impending death. Forgotten about and “doomed” by the state, these inmates are left to rot using up appeal after appeal and never being rehabilitated or counseled, why rehabilitate a dead man? Once they are sentenced to death, what more have they to lose? This leads to increased prison killings, like the Graterford Pennsylvania prison guard who was murdered by an inmate who was already serving on death row for killing two infants and an elderly woman (“Capital Punishment Canards”). Or, take for example the two death-row inmates of the Florida State Penitentiary in Starkey who were killed in 1995 by a fellow inmate (“…Canards…”). How do you punish someone already on death row? Do you threaten to kill them again? Even if and when an inmate is convicted of a second or even a third offense, that does not expedite the implementation of their sentence. If those who kill rarely ever receive the punishment that they are meant to, then the deterrent effect of a death sentence is slim to none. Unfortunately, data regarding murder rates and the death

penalty is completely inconclusive. Oddly enough, data exist on both sides that show a correlation between murder rates and death penalty, some studies shows the relationship to be a direct one, while in others it is the inverse. While it is true that the United States is the only western democracy with a death penalty, and has the highest homicide rate (“…Is an Ineffective…”), there seems to be less correlation between homicide rates and capital punishment within the states than once thought. Instead, murder rates seem to be a product of region to some extent, with the southernmost U.S. states having a consistently high rate of homicide, (far above the national average) and the northeastern states having the lowest (“…Is an Ineffective…”). Still, the strongest determinant of homicide rates seems to be some identifiable, exogenous variable. Expert Steven Messner, a criminologist at the State University of New York at Albany explains:

“It is difficult to make the case for any deterrent effect by these numbers. Whatever the factors are that affect change in homicide rates, they don’t seem to operate differently based on the presence or absence of the death penalty in that state.” (“Capital Punishment Does Not Reduce Murder Rates”)

Capital punishment, in the face of its ineffectuality as a deterrent, and its awkward nature as a system of justice, still seems to have one major effect, albeit an incidental and regrettable one. Once thought to be a statistical fluke, the concept has gained enough steam that criminologists are now calling it the “brutalization effect”. Conclusive data shows that the public release of information regarding the actual carrying-out of an

execution seems to have a direct relation to murder rates in that region. Murder rates seem to rise in a region during the time period surrounding and following a publicized execution. Following an execution in Arizona, an increase in gun-related and spur-of-the-moment killings arose in 1999 (“…Is an Ineffective…”). Georgia reports an increase of an average of 26 homicides during the months surrounding most executions (“…Is an Ineffective…”). Pennsylvania and California have both reported threefold increases in homicide rates surrounding each execution (“…Is an Ineffective…”). Criminologists reason that this brutalization effect is the result of capital punishment desensitizing the public to killing to some extent. The argument also arises that it legitimizes killing for vengeance in the minds of prospective criminals, somewhat of an attitude of “if the state can do it, I can do it” (“…Is an Ineffective…”). Many would argue that this is an extremist point of view, assuring that any sane person would never draw a conclusion as such; however, the dangerous people in question are obviously not the most reasonable individuals.

Capital Punishment has existed in one shape or form since the very earliest period in America, and has undoubtedly seen our people through some tough times. Over the years though, issues of government, religion, right-to-live and numerous other debates have molded and changed the system of capital punishment into a mere shadow of what was once a useful structure. In the current days of increasing mental illness, drug abuse, and rising violence, times are getting tougher and more complicated by the day. Americans as a people know more now and have advanced beyond all previous expectation. Those beliefs and systems that have failed to prove themselves in today’s

world are being removed and replaced; perhaps it is time that some new ideas are brought to work on the American system of justice. Perhaps it is time for change.

Works Cited

“Anger and Ambivalence”. Kaplain, David A. Newsweek, vol. 126, no. 6. August 7,

1995. Reprinted by Permission. Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center. Thomson Gale. 29 April 2005.

“Capital Punishment Canards,” Insight on the News, vol. 190, March 4, 2003, p.52.

Reproduced by Permission. Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center. Thomson Gale. 29 April 2005.

“Capital Punishment Does Not Reduce Murder Rates”. By Raymond Bonner and Ford

Fessenden. Does Capital Punishment Deter Crime? Roman Espejo, Ed. At Issue Series. Greenhaven Press, 2003. pp 14-20.

“Capital Punishment Is an Ineffective Crime Control Policy” by Gary W. Potter. Does

Capital Punishment Deter Crime? Roman Espejo, Ed. At Issue Series. Greenhaven Press, 2003. Excerpted from Gary W. Potter’s statement before the Joint Interim Health and Welfare Committee, Kentucky legislature, Mar. 10, 1999. Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center. Thomson Gale. 29 April 2005.

“Table 6.76.” Bureau of Justice Statistics Sourcebook of Criminal Justice Statistics-2002.

Kathleen Maguire, Ann L. Pastore Ed. 2003 The Hindelang Criminal Justice Research Center, University at Albany, State University of New York. Albany NY.

Virtual Violence, ENG 096, Oct. 2003

This essay, an early work, was assigned as part of Professor Lawrence Checkett’s ENG 096 class, October 15, 2003. Three pages, three part thesis.

Virtual Violence

Electronic entertainment has gone a long way since the early days of Atari and Nintendo. An epic battle between two glowing lines vying for control of a bouncing dot has now become a dizzying array of 3-dimensional polygons and stereo sound effects. The amount of options programmers have when building videogames is multiplied exponentially; games have become more and more realistic and diverse. From saving princesses to slaughtering zombies, there exists a wider variety of game content than ever. But, like movie companies, gaming companies must produce products for all demographics; therefore, games involving fighting or soldiers all out to kill are becoming more common. Games have become an emulation of reality through simulators, war games, and games with historically accurate content, and the fact is, reality is violent. Violence is on TV, in movies, and increasingly in our schools. Parents see increasing violence in schools and can’t help but wonder what gun fighting Playstation games in the living room are doing to their child. Videogames have become an easy scapegoat for experts and parents in spite of the violence already inherent in society, the recreational nature of videogames, and the abundance of nonviolent games.

Americans are violent. To illustrate, look back into history. How did Americans acquire the “new world”? Settlers did not pay Indians rent; natives were driven away by force. Americans won independence through battle, not negotiation. Violence has been used to settle land disputes, religious controversy, and general disagreements for centuries. Not to say the aforementioned could have been settled differently; however, video games were not always around to spark animosity between men. So, it would seem users promote the manufacturing of violent games. All humans will need to deal with violence at some point, whether directly or indirectly. For instance, youths are learning how to deal with terrorism and war simultaneously. Who knows what lies in the future? Perhaps, instead of trying to save generations from violence, the duty of society will be to teach children how to deal with violence in a constructive way.

Because of the need to feed, birth, raise, teach, clean, run, drive, and survive, life is difficult. Yet life must also be enjoyed. For this reason, games were invented. Games and competition have been around for centuries. Ancient Romans competed in Olympic Games much like the Olympics of today. Now, entertainment has leapt foreword and games are played in virtual reality. Players have the ability to log onto a computer and become an entirely different person for a few hours. But the fact still remains, video games are just that: games. No video game claims to be a supplement to reality. When boiled down, games are a novelty, and games ranging from Pac Man to NASA’s most scientifically accurate flight simulator all include a built in reality check: a reset button. So, when the lines between reality and recreation become blurred, the problem is not really games. Perhaps the issue lies in the inability of players to discern people from pixels.

Experts would claim that violence is increasing because violent games are increasing in the market. After visiting a gaming store, the preceding sounds unreasonable. Several gaming systems exist on the market today, and each offers a variety of games. To illustrate, Sony’s Playstation II offers many games with nonviolent undertones. Some nonviolent options include The Simpsons, Gran Turismo 3, and children’s games like Piglets Big Game, and Tony Hawks Pro Skater 4. Nintendo’s answer, the Game Cube, offers games like Spongebob Squarepants, Kirby’s Air Ride and Animal Crossing. Additionally, titles like Madden’s 2004, Tiger Woods 2004 PGA Tour and MLB 2004, are available for all systems, and offer no more violence than what one would find on Thanksgiving Day television. Consumers always have a choice when looking to find a game title to will fit their interests.

Violence in games is quite easy to come by, but violent games would not exist if not for the demand of such games. Society would not be drawn to violent games without being prone to violence initially. Whether it is a Playstation, a Game Cube, a PC, or any of the number of hand-held gaming systems available, a consumer always has a choice when purchasing a game title. A veritable plethora of nonviolent or low-violence games makes it difficult to blame violence on games alone.

Persuasive Essay: Welfare

This essay was assigned in a developmental writing class (ENG 096) at the community college by Professor Lawrence Checkett. This persuasive essay was limited to three pages in length, double spaced, and was obviously limited to the rudimentary three point thesis format.

Dec. 5, 2003

NO TITLE: Welfare Persuasive Essay

In these maddening days of rising prices, falling stocks, and closing job markets, making a living has become increasingly complicated. With the current unavailability of job offerings due to terrorism, the economy, and war, those without special skills or training now find it exceedingly difficult to eke out a living. So imagine if a citizen, without special skills, works to support a family as well? Now suppose said individual is a single parent. Given such circumstances, the situation becomes extremely complex. Fortunately, help does exist; a safety net of sorts, constructed by the American Government helps thousands of families nationwide: a system called welfare. The welfare system disperses relief funds to families and individuals unable to survive without monetary assistance. For the most part, the system seems to work; however, some individuals abuse the system in order to avoid having to work. Parents with no jobs who live off of welfare alone, live a life which may seem unacceptable and unfair to those sincerely trying to contribute to society. Parents abusing the system must be persuaded to work, otherwise, how is a family ever to get away from welfare dependency? In order to allow parents on welfare a chance to get off welfare, set a good example for youth, and to instill a sense of pride by contributing to society, parents receiving welfare should be required by law to work at least part time.

Citizens on welfare are usually on welfare because of an inability to maintain finances necessary to pay for the necessities of living. Such an inability stems from, usually, a failure to find gainful employment, often due to un-marketability and a low skill level. Though just because a citizen receives welfare to help to pay the bills, does not mean remaining at work is unnecessary. A worker also receiving welfare still stands a chance for advancement in the job world and a chance to get away from the welfare system. Those who do not work; however, stand no chance in ever taking care of finances independently and therefore the system becomes self-perpetuating. That is to say, once a citizen receives welfare and quits working, there is little chance of financial independence in the future.

A wise man once said: “the apple does not fall far from the tree”. In some cases, a statement as such is very clearly proven. Learned behavior in children is often subconsciously reproduced later an adult life. Now suppose a parent on welfare raises children on nothing but welfare funds, the children grow (never seeing their parents go to work), and are later expected to finish schooling and join the work force and contribute to society. Such an expectation conflicts with the upbringing of the new adult. Now another generation must receive welfare funds, so should said generation become parents while still on welfare, what happens next? The system again has become self-perpetuating. In order to teach children the way to live, an individual must display such characteristics; parents who work while still receiving welfare show a much better example.

For many, the failure to advance and live independently becomes a source of broken self-esteem. In some cases, a lack of self-esteem can become a debilitating lack of initiative. Such a lack of initiative can cause complete inaction. In order for a parent on welfare to feel good about living on welfare, they should still maintain at least a part time job. In this way, parents on welfare will feel a sense of accomplishment by still being a part of the working community and contributing to society.

Of all of the problems and potential problems inherent in American society, the alleviation of poverty is perhaps of the most difficult to solve. Aid to the needy can help the recovery of the underprivileged; too much aid can cause a lack of recovery. Many feel the welfare system does a poor job of evening out poverty, and perhaps such a statement is true. Any system has the potential of being abused, and the welfare system is no different. The answer does not lie in a single law or regulation, but if something is not done, there will unfortunately always exist a lower class which is dependent on welfare.

Humerous / process essay. Second Date

Professor Checkett’s ENG 096 class. Nov. 2003, humorous-process essay.

Nothing Says Loving

Perhaps one of the most unnerving experiences ever in life is that of the first date. The above mentioned would explain the current endangerment of the genus and species: secondus datus. Such abstract ideas like manners, how to act or what fork to use, have haunted the existences of singles since the beginning of dating itself. Boring or downright idiotic conversations have been exterminating first dates for just as long. Many would say, “Just be yourself”; well, that may be wonderful for some who have a firm grip on social graces. But sadly, most individuals do not spend their time studying the usage of the ‘salad fork’. Fortunately, for said individuals, help does exist, and with a little help on how to maintain stimulating conversation, using good table manners, and treating a companion with respect, even the most dedicated bachelor or bachelorette can ensure a second date.

A wise man once said, “Time is money”. Well, if two individuals spend time together, either both entertain one another, or one is being paid. And unless the one has the assets and personality of Bill Gates, the latter option is to be avoided at all costs. So, the only recourse is to be entertaining. To start out, relax, be easygoing. No sane person wants to spend candlelit time with a piece of cherry wood, save of course for a beaver. So, calm down and breathe. Start by asking questions about a date, what they do, what their family is like, and when at all possible, make snide, horrifying remarks about whatever is said. Repeating and expanding on a conversation is a good way to prove attentiveness and remember what was said. For instance, “You like to go clubbing? Me too! I can’t stand baby seals!” would be a very acceptable reply, followed up of course with a cruel chuckle. Also, whenever possible, interrupt the conversation and attempt a complete takeover. Nothing says “I am interested in you” like pretending the only stimulating thoughts are ones own. One more good technique is teasing. How does a fisherman get a fish to bite? Tug on the line a bit! Pay little or no attention to the person across the table. Talk on a cell phone, or even better, make a scene by taking someone else’s. Or, flirt with a person across the restaurant; make your date struggle for attention!

Using good table manners is an excellent way to win the affinity of a date; moreover, table manners are an amusing and effective way of showing respect for the feelings of an individual. Good table manners starts, of course, at the table; begin by making eye contact and saying, “You know, I’m really glad to be here with you tonight, because I’m all out of cash, and I’m starving”, (every human being loves to feel needed).

Once a waitperson comes to take orders, do not allow them an introduction. Instead, jump ahead as soon as possible with a drink order. (No situation is more obnoxious than allowing a date to order first, putting them on the spot.) Continue with stimulating conversation and do not worry about proper tableware usage. A negligible agglomeration of the collective populace is aware of the astonishingly elusive fact that the justification for extraneous tableware is simply a preventative buffer for accidentally dropped or misplaced tableware throughout the course of a professionally prepared meal in an inordinately extravagant restaurant. Simply put, extra forks are extra. In fact, to respect a waiter or waitress, one is expected to always keep a server busy so as not to be boring patrons. So, should the opportunity present itself, absentmindedly sweep an article of tableware onto the floor. Wait until the server has picked the article up and is preparing to leave and then jettison another piece of tableware. Repeat as necessary until finally bursting forth into uproarious laughter. In the midst of all of this, try to look for the most opportune opening in which to pop the question that every date longs to hear. When the time is right, turn to them, look into their eyes and just let it come: “you gonna’ eat that?” If done right, the second date, and unfinished dinner portions, will be within reach.

As the great Aretha Franklin once said, “I’m about to give you all of my money and all I’m askin’ in return, honey, is to give me my profits, yeah baby, when ya’ git home”, a statement that holds as much power as the words of Buddha. A major missing ingredient in most date recipes is just a little respect, and any single who prepares a date without respect is cooking up a warm batch of disaster. Good advice on respecting a date is to remember one fact: people want to feel important. So whenever possible, make a companion feel in charge. Open a door for a partner and then, bow ridiculously saying, “right this way my liege” with a surly undertone. Or, when ordering, state an order and then ask “Is that okay with you?”. Another excellent technique is called the “open chest”. Pay attention for a time when a companion’s chest bone is left unguarded, then with a loud, almost primal scream yell, “open chest” and bash a closed fist into their bony upper section. If executed correctly, a victim will be left stunned and infectious laughter will ensue. Remember, if a technique works in the gym, the same will work on the dating scene as well. This somewhat elusive rule goes for flatulence as well.

Like anything involving the human person, nothing is for sure. Even the most well planned for and well-nurtured dating experience can go up in a burst of flames at a moments notice for any number of reasons. Two individuals must have chemistry in order for a date to go off without a hitch, and chemistry is simply something that either exists, or does not exist. Because of the uncertain nature of dating, the activity of dating is difficult and often intimidating for some; however with just a little help with finishing touches, any single can bolster the chances for a second date.

Contrast essay: Small vs. Large towns. Oct. 2003

Professor Checkett’s ENG 096 class. Contrast small towns and large towns. Oct. 2003

In Which we Live

When speaking to a person of experience, perhaps a traveler or an elder, one may be told certain things about the way people from different towns behave. Such as, ‘citizens of a small town are friendlier’, or ‘people from big cities are always in a hurry’. But, for an individual born, raised and living in a single town, these differences may seem simply opinion, and perhaps some distinctions are. So why, then do so many prefer one type of life to the other? Such characteristics as crime rates, economics, populations, traffic, city planning and architecture, differentiate one region from the next. In order to form an opinion, one must compare two towns on opposing ends of the spectrum. By comparing two towns: the small town of Quincy, Illinois and the busy suburb, St. Peters, Missouri, the differences in the characteristics of citizens, the city, and daily life, make it seem as though big cities and small towns are almost from different countries.

Quincy Illinois, a small, yet growing river town with heavy farming ties can serve as an excellent subject to compare against the bustling suburbia of St. Peters Missouri. The citizens are made up of the same biological material and ribonucleic acids, however; there exist fundamental differences. At first, one might notice appearance. It is not altogether unusual to see a motley crew of dirty young boys come running into the local supermarket without shoes or shirts and buy gum or candy. The cashier, instead of ushering the improperly clad youngsters out the door, asks them how their mother has been, she just so happens to live next door. This sort of occurrence would not go over as well in St. Peters. The same young boys would’ve been asked to leave and later reprimanded by their mothers for going out in public looking so disheveled. Hats, overalls and dirty jeans are not uncommon attire for citizens out running errands and are almost a requisite for the distinguished elderly man. Aside from readily notable differences, residents of the small town seem to have differing personality traits as well. Take the scene of a crowded store during the holidays, for instance. In a busy, crowded suburban jungle, one shopper with a cart brimming with items in the checkout lane would simply be focused on check writing and the planning of the next few stops. However, in sleepy Quincy, the same shopper might check to see if the woman just behind them, with only a few items, would care to go ahead. Then, perhaps even strike up a conversation with the total stranger. Such behavior is unheard of in the busy rush of larger towns. Another strange anomaly happens to be a relative disregard for the locking of doors at night or even at all. Neighbors have a tendency to look out for the good of the neighborhood, and are always wary, but with such low crime occurrences, such precautions as door-locking are unnecessary.

The appearance of a small town is also radically different when contrasted against a larger city. St. Peters, while at one time was an organized, small town itself, nowadays seems like a massive tangled knot of highways, service roads, drives, avenues, and parking lots. Expanding businesses and budding neighborhoods all connect and intersperse within the maze of asphalt, making it very difficult for an unfamiliar traveler to get from one destination to the next without help. Small, soapbox buildings snap together like Tinker toys to house businesses for a year or so and then are left empty, only to be refilled by another business soon thereafter. Massive, lighted signs tower over any building, coupled with billboards outlining the busiest roadways all advertising to the highest bidder. While tiny, puny trees limp around uniform, lifeless houses in an attempt to re-beatify a deforested city. The small town of Quincy, in contrast, is a large grid work, nearly the whole town divided into blocks with only a few outer roads and two highways entering and exiting the city limits. Each of said city blocks is cut down the middle by at least one alleyway, perhaps two. These alleyways serve such purposes as garbage pickup and parking for residences, garage access, and the most prestigious job of all, a simple playground for neighborhood children. Most of town is housing, each house unique, some ranging from hundred year old, family-built houses to Victorian-style mansions. In the housing district, trees tower over all, stretching ancient branches across the street to form an arboreal canopy across brick and asphalt streets alike. Small, family owned businesses, restaurants, taverns, etc. all share the same space and are built into old houses. The only busy thoroughfare is a section of highway that cuts directly through town, here is where one will find the mall, fast food chains, hardware stores, and department stores, all sharing the same small parking lots and modest signs.

A typical day in the small town is very much relaxed, especially when compared to the bustle of city life in suburbia. In the town of Quincy, since most of the town businesses are in the same vicinity, morning and noon rush are not the horrifying, complicated games of bumper cars that is the rush hour of St. Peters. After work, most families go home and spend time together, perhaps going to a movie or dinner or milling about in the back yard. Most children come home and run about the neighborhood until dark, without fear of kidnapping or a run-in with a car. During the weekend, it is not uncommon to see many families or even large groups of neighbors barbecuing in the back yard and drinking alcohol in plain sight. Some might even have a bonfire in a backyard, though such fires are technically illegal, local law enforcement rarely, if ever, interferes unless a fire gets out of hand. Fishing and boating is also wildly popular, even during the cold season, as the town of Quincy is situated on the Mississippi river. However, the most popular activity of all amongst the citizens of Quincy is to spend a nice day at one of the beautiful parks around town. After all, the town of Quincy houses nine parks, all are public property and open from sunrise to sunset.

For some individuals, the speed and stress of big city life is a trip into madness. Others cannot stand the slow, inactivity of a small town. “To each, his own” it is said, and such a statement applies well to the choice between living large and living modestly. Small towns unfortunately may be a gradually dying species at the currant rate of human expansion. Perhaps someday, cities will all merge together and memories of simple, small rural areas will fade. But for now, it is nice to sit back and notice the sometimes-staggering incongruence between two different life styles.

Descriptive essay, September 2003, Storm

Professor Checkett’s ENG 096 class, Descriptive essay, Sept. 2003.

Calm, for a Storm

Storms are often considered inclement weather. Society is too busy rushing in traffic and lugging around water-soluble paperwork from one cloned cubicle to the next. In the midst of such activity, weather of any sort is a monstrous inconvenience. Due to the disrupting, uncontrollable nature of weather, rainstorms cause stress; however, in the right frame of mind, a storm can be quite calming. With the soothing sound of rain falling, cool, dark appearance, and warm humid breezes, a storm can be a most relaxing natural setting.

The sound of millions of tiny drops slapping the ground in unison can have a very calming effect. Even in the smallest cloudburst is a veritable ensemble of unique reverberations. A mind can get lost in picking out the distinct sounds: rain bouncing across tinny rooftops or quietly settling down onto blades of grass, beating against leaves on trees as it filters down until finally slapping into a pool of glossy mud. Even a thunderclap, beginning as the sound of dry wood cracking, is placating as it rolls away, becoming a deep echo traversing across the tops of clouds. Rainfall has such a rhythmical, and enveloping sound, it seems to swallow up the irksome noise of city life. Sirens, cars, aircraft, all become still in the soothing quiescence of a rainstorm, quietly bowing in the presence of a greater art. It is as if the bustling, noisy verve of the city has suddenly ceased in the din of the storm. Noises that still sift through seem to mesh with those of the storm, coming out enhanced and exotic. A car passes by, its tires like thick blades sawing through diamond, whines as it leaves behind a splattering echo. The city seems to take on a whole new feeling during a rainstorm.

Such a storm is capable of changing the way the world looks just as easily. Darker hues easier on the eyes and calming to the mind begin to emerge. The light blue sky, perhaps strewn with wispy clouds, becomes a deeper navy, or gray. Clouds seem to multiply exponentially, each fattening like a soggy crescent roll, and rolling over as if ready to split and expel its watery contents. Watching the clouds seems hypnotizing, as if a body can be drawn up into the heavens. Contrasting shadows diminish, and a heavy, moist veil obscures sharp details. Objects once unmistakable now seem vague, separated by thick sheets of rain. The stress and concerns of the city diminish; the city begins to slow down in the midst of the rain. The ground seems to be alive as raindrops shatter across it, bouncing up fitfully before settling down again. After being filled with falling crystal, a dull pothole is like a fragmented mirror for the darkened sky. Reaching the lower spots, gutters and small rifts in the ground, raindrops gather into steadily larger and larger rivulets, sliding along the ground-snakes made of fluid crystal. Entranced eyes spot once rigid windows now melting in unison, steadily dripping down themselves, yet going nowhere and never being expended. In the shadow of the storm, the city becomes a work of abstract art.

Before the storm, the air felt warm and familiar. The atmosphere of the town had for the most part, remained unaltered throughout the eventful day. When the wind came, the aura changed. At first, it was simply a slight cooling that only the tenderest of nerve endings and hair follicles could identify. But now, as the cool wind begins to pick up, it seems to form a frosty blade, which slices through the warm city air. It penetrates the skin of the busy populace, exciting the senses and forcing its way through clothing, funneling through sleeves and out collars. Then, like the cool wind left an empty space, a thin and muggy fog nestles in. Before long, tiny, soft needle-like droplets begin brushing across faces and arms. Abruptly, the rain begins to come in sheets, blown about into shrouds by a nippy breeze. The sultry wind begins violently tossing the rain about, walls of raindrops falling toward the earth are rounded up and slung hard, walloping building facades, and enveloping parked cars. A contrast of the thick, soggy air coupled with the tiny, cold raindrops causes goose bumps to animate the skin. Like hundreds of gentle fingers, chubby raindrops fall onto drenched hair, drizzling down a face chilled by the breeze. An open mind can be overcome by the sensations of the storm.

In order to enjoy nature in the days of Internet, rush hour and 5-minute coffee breaks, an open mind is an absolute must. Man as a whole has become quite separated from nature. Enjoying something as seemingly chaotic as a storm requires an amount of detachment from the daily grind. Admittedly, individuals are not often praised for standing about in ‘bad weather’. A storm may seem to be a danger and a disturbance, but if a mind is allowed to absorb all of the wonderful sensations of the storm, it can become a very pacifying, almost liberating experience.

Introducing... My writing Portfolio

Soon to be archived here in massive floods will be the bulk, or rather, the sum total of my various and sundry odd written works which have withstood the test of time, and the occasional complete document corruption. These works vary widely from literary reviews and the like to laboratory reports, poems, journal entries, research reports on a plethora of subjects, college assignments and pieces written with the sole intent of quelling boredom. Most are reproduced with the utmost attention paid to fidelity of copy, the works edited ONLY for serious mechanical or spelling / syntax errors. The purpose of this archive is not to reproduce perfect versions of the original flawed works, but rather to provide a chronicling, or curriculum vitae, of the advances in technique and the evolution of mens of the writer.

Those pieces which appear in their original form in a foreign language are also accompanied by an english language translation. In translating, extreme care has been taken to maintain fidelity to the original copy and rhythm of the writing in addition to the syntax and meaning of the words employed both denotative and connotative. As the foreign language pieces have been composed at a number of different skill levels during my study of the language, some may seem rudimentary and simple when translated.

This blog is to be made public for the enjoyment, ridicule, constructive criticism, and discussion of the community at large- just try to keep it above the belt. Furthermore, these writings are the sole legal property of the author- myself, Nathaniel Evan Kistner- and are not to be reproduced in any media, for any reason without my express written consent. Failure to follow the warning enclosed regarding the media reproduced here will result in the pursuit of legal action to the fullest extent of the law.