... The aberration continues... embarrassing poor writing style continues

Eng. 101-17 “Modest Proposal” Optional Final essay - Apr 30, 2004

I believe this was the last essay within which I was allowed to get away with such an awful, foolishly childish writing style and voice. Mechanics and such are okay, but the style is just abhorrent. I sweat with self-embarrassment as I read it over...

A Modest Proposal and Crime Deterrent

These days, it would seem that all anybody can find to do with their time is cause trouble. Every headline, every news story, every magazine, is chocked full of new stories about crimes and victimization and all sorts of mischief. Now a new trend has reared its homely head: the overcrowding of prisons. We all know that prisons do not grow on trees, and prisoners sure as hell do not pay rent. You know I still can’t afford cable television, yet I recently saw a program the other day showing a man in his cell watching cable TV in his minimum security prison. You know what? I want cable TV! I want someone to cook my meals! I don’t want to have to go to work! And dammit, I want conjugal visits! Overcrowding in prisons? Well of course, every mouth-breathing miscreant with half of a brain would stand in line to go into some prisons! HEY EVERYBODY!!! COME LOOK!! I do believe that I have found our grandparent’s social security money! Is this what we all work our whole lives away for? While the government goes further into debt and the economy floats belly-up in its’ bowl? Something is decidedly fishy in Denmark, and I think I have an air freshener.

Okay, so how many times have we heard the old shtick that corporal punishment is inhumane? And how many times has it been said that a lot of prisons are too? Okay, obviously these things are not inhumane enough, because they haven’t put exactly brought crime to a screeching halt. The idea of being pumped full of toxins in a cold, hospital-like chamber of death until your cells explode does not seem to slow anybody down when they are shoving a pistol down the throat of a 7-11 clerk at 1:00 in the morning who just wants to make their car payments. And fourty-thousand eye-popping, pants-soiling volts seems to instill little fear into psychotics who capture and toy with little girls until finally killing them. Or how about the man who killed his ex-wife’s kids and one of his own just because he was a bit down in the dumps? I believe the grieving mother whose life was shattered by this imbecile would agree that suicide was too easy a death for that one. Sorry, call me crazy, but if some lowlife ever tried to cut into my slice of life, I would want to hire a surgeon to bring the sucker back to life after each time I offed him just so that I could do it again. That’s right, I would not only want him dead, I would want to do it myself, not just once, but several times. Think about it, imagine with all your power for a moment that somebody puts into jeopardy the one person you love or the one thing for which you work the hardest, and then call me a sociopath.

Now, my ‘modest proposal’ does not necessarily apply to all offenders and is not meant to be a hypothetical ‘catch-all’. Sure, keep some prisons for the lesser offenders, or those for which there is some shadow of a doubt as to their alleged guilt. My proposal is meant to be applied to those who are undoubtedly nefarious, psychotic evildoers with no respect for human life. Those guys who take pot-shots at little kids, or capture and mutilate scores of women. Torturers, murderers, and the one thing that enrages me the most: rapists. Perhaps my own code of chivalry helps to aggravate this, but I despise rapists. I must say that rapists are the ones who sit in the back of my mind as I conjure up this proposal. In each of my little sick examples, I am imagining a rapist, or perhaps a child molester as the test subject. In this way, it is for them that I write these next passages.

All right, first of all, if you are going to kill someone, lets make it fun. Forget quick and painless, did the woman who drowned all of her children in a bathtub give a damn about painless? NO. So should we? “Well, yea but she was--”. NO! forget it! Let these sickos see what this is like! First of all, we are going to invent a few new devices, tools are most important and are a necessity. Now in my opinion, the torture/killing devices commonly used lack…pizzazz, they are just not entertaining enough or humiliating enough. The more entertaining, the more humiliated the accursed is before transitioning over.

Lets make a few newer, more interesting mechanisms for the delivery of death. First of all how about a slingshot? A tall, solid stone wall maybe 40 feet in height which attached to it are four giant rubber bands. Each band is attached to the criminals appendages and the criminal (in a five-point harness) is drawn back with a cable and ratchet assembly thereby achieving maximum tension in the bands. The subject is then released in such a manner as to snap them into the wall at a great velocity. Repeat as needed. (and bring a poncho.)

Along the same lines, let us build an ancient catapult, like a trebuchet. And pull it up to perhaps a rundown old office building. The victim or family of the victim of the criminal in question will be given full control of the giant launcher in regards to aiming and release. Load with convict(s) and see how many windows can be knocked out! Fun/ultimate retribution for the whole family! (Leave the kids at home!)

Or how about this one? A large, very solid lot of concrete, say 50 feet square maybe. With a large mallet-like instrument powered by a massive pneumatic engine. Place convict in shackles in the center of the platform, activate and BAM! (Ever watch Gallagher?) Or for a slight carnie twist, make the giant mallet mobile and place several convicts on recessed platforms which raise at random intervals and you have “Wak A Lowlife!”.

While we are making a carnival out of it, here is a relatively elementary device. Take your run-of –the mill dunk-tank and replace water with carbonic acid. Go ahead and let them climb back up onto the chair. Then take another shot! Or whatever happened to good old torture? How about sawing off a leg- or two and having them swim laps in the worlds only Olympic-sized lemon juice pool? Or a few lashes on the back followed by a nice sunbathing on a small salt beach?

Or try this one: an obstacle course. Beginning with a 100 yard dash through a sparse minefield. Then, on to the wasp nest relay race. Then the wall climb…of fire! Next is the tire field, complete with a few nasty bear traps in random tires. You get the picture, and to finish it all off, just in case anybody is lucky enough, a finish tape backed by razor wire and a couple-hundred volts. (I can hear the bookies coming, it’s a new market!)

Come on people! If we are going to have retribution, what is the point of half-assing it! The bottom line is: Killing is inhumane. That is it! Killers are not concerned about being humane when strangling your grandmother while she is doing a crossword puzzle, so why give a hoot about humanity in their punishment. If we are going to insist on violent retribution, let’s go for the gold! If you think about it, think really, really hard, we would not be the first, not even the second.

To illustrate to all the naysayers and doubting-Thomases out there, think back to the time of the ancient Romans. Does the word ‘gladiator’ ring a bell? Not just a Russel Crowe movie, the Romans really did hold huge death matches between groups of inmates, and the occasional wild animals. Their prisoners and slaves had it way worse, and the public loved it. Not to mention it put the fear of the almighty into the miscreants in the city. Now some would ask: “What sort of message would this send to the youths?”. Well you know what? The message wouldn’t be much worse than what the youths of America are doing today anyhow. You know, you never hear any history books talk about school arrowings or spearings in ancient Rome do you? HAH! Rediculous? Yes! Crazy? Not quite!

Admittedly, this is a radical new kind of thinking, and quite a stretch. But for those who still do not read me, my point is: why!! Why do we care about being nice to the ones who hurt us? Even the ancient leader Hammurabi[1] wrote laws into stone basing the ideas of criminal punishment upon the foundation of “an eye for and eye”. As for these so-called humanitarians fighting for the rights of those condemned to death by law; I would like to know just how many of these people actually know what it is like to be a victim of these psychotic yahoos. Being beaten and raped has a tendency to change ones viewpoint a bit. When you take away the rights of others, you lose your rights and, in my humble opinion, should be given the status of non-human. How humane is it to baby a victimizer in spite of the pain of the victim? How long will we lay down and let the sludge, the human waste, the lowest form of our species bully and trample all over us? How bloody long?

Work Cited

“Hammurabi”. Yahoo Encyclopedia. 29 Apr. 2004. www.Yahoo.com Keyword: Hammurabi.

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[1] Hammurabi was king of Babylonia from 1792-1750. His code of laws is considered today one of the greatest law codes ever written. Carved into a column made of diorite, his laws were written in 3,600 lines of cuneiform in several different languages. This column was discovered in 1902 and is still considered a most powerful code of laws.(“Hammurabi”)

Awful Writing Style failure...

Eng. 101-17 - Persuasive Research Paper - 16 April 2004

I’m not sure how I feel about this one, the introduction is just a bit sticky sounding, for some reason this instructor was not as stringent as those I had written for prior. The result is what I consider an unacceptable kitchy-colloquial writing style.

Stars, Stripes and Saddlebags

(And a Spare Tire with the Junk in the Trunk)

Over the past century, Americans have advanced and grew beyond all expectation. We have broadened our knowledge of both the earthly and the cosmic. We have solved problems once thought impossible and mapped everything from the stars to the human genome. America has grew and expanded in population, cultivated it’s understanding and fattened its…waistline? Wait a minute, just because there are more obese people in America today doesn’t indicate that America is on the fast track to fat camp, right? There exist more people total in the United States today, not just obese people, right? Wrong! Not only have we as a nation become fatter than we used to be, the problem is steadily rising and rising at an alarming rate. The problem is so staggering that James O. Hill, a physiologist with University of Colorado Health Sciences Center recently stated: “If obesity is left unchecked, almost all Americans will be overweight by 2050” (Critser 5).

When looking at the numbers on this one, such a statement doesn’t seem so outlandish. According to the latest statistics, over fifty-eight million Americans are overweight, which poses enough of a health risk as it is (Obesity Statistics 1). But on top of that it seems that 40 million, quite a large chunk, is obese; additionally, still another 3 million are morbidly obese (1). The term ‘morbidly obese’ is used to suggest that unless a subject takes radical steps to reverse their condition, then the excess weight will strain body structures until the point of failure and death. While staggering already, these statistics, experts say, are growing at an alarming rate; to the point where obesity will very soon be everybody’s problem because virtually everybody will be obese (Hellmich 2). This thought is scary to most citizens and downright traumatizing to health experts. If we as a nation, as a people, are to reverse this alarming trend, awareness must be raised. By understanding the problem of obesity, the behaviors that cause and contribute to it, and raising awareness of the issue, reducing the threat of obesity can become a possibility.

Why is being overweight such a big deal to everybody? If people want to smoke, let them smoke right? If it is what makes them happy then let them go. Why should a little overeating be an issue? Well, the fact of the matter is that a little casual overeating is one thing, but over time, pound after pound begin to add up to some serious health risks. In the year 2000, poor diet and lack of physical activity accounted for, or was directly related to 400,000 deaths (16.6% of all deaths in America) (Hellmich 2). This figure was comparable to the 435,000 deaths (18.1%) caused by lifelong tobacco use (2). Now what is really getting experts jittery is the decreasing trend of tobacco-related deaths and the increase in obesity in America (2). Statisticians say that by the year 2005, obesity may overtake smoking as the single leading cause of preventable death (2).

Obesity alone does not kill necessarily, rather obesity is the cause of a smorgasbord of dangerous health problems that reduce quality of life and ultimately can and will lead to premature death. One health problem which is really on the rise is the nefarious type-2 diabetes. Type-2 diabetes is usually most prevalent in adults and is a condition which a person develops or can sometimes be born with. Type-2 diabetes can appear after a pregnancy or a significant change of weight. Sometimes this condition can be improved or even reversed, other times it gets worse and worse, as with the case of type-2 diabetes caused by excessive bodily fat. A body that is overweight begins to develop a super-tolerance to a bodily substance called insulin, which is used in the breakdown of starches and sugars. In order to balance out this resistance, the body produces more and more insulin, the extraneous insulin turns around and instructs already bloated fat cells to store more fat, and the cycle gets worse and worse. This type of diabetes leads to blood clotting, hardening of the arteries and can lead eventually to death (Critser 10).

Not only is diabetes beginning to be more prominent, but obesity is also boosting rates of many diseases and conditions while cutting life expectancies way down. Arthritis, chronic back pain, hypertension, heart disease, all of which are being fed by this growing problem to the point where conditions usually not seen until late in life are beginning to creep up on the young. Hypertension and type-2 diabetes used to be problems that only adults had to think about. Now, medicine is seeing more and more adolescents and preteens with these problems (Leigh 2). Nine percent of adolescents and thirty percent of overweight adolescents developed a syndrome called “metabolic syndrome”, a syndrome caused by inactivity, increased body weight, and characterized by a dangerously high susceptibility to heart disease (3).

In San Antonio about five years ago, one of the most rapidly growing school districts in the nation faced a worrisome problem. A study by a local nonprofit health agency showed that unless serious changes were made, then by the end of a year, the district would house 3000 children with type-2 diabetes in its elementary schools alone (Critser 12). Nearly all of these children had a body mass index higher than 27, which is considered to be middle to upper range overweight (12). Many were over a BMI of 30, which is the clinical cutoff point for obesity. What is the worst part of this scenario? The results of this study pointed to the schools s being at fault, stating that the cafeteria staff had no training in preparing attractive, nutritious meals; moreover, the amount of “junk food” available in the lunchroom far outweighed the availability of more healthful alternatives (13).

What is the point to this particular story? For starters, it is a well-known fact that weight is partially governed by genetics, just as anything else revolving about the human body. But the sudden influx of obesity cases cannot be explained through genetics; the human genome just doesn’t change that quickly. So where does all this extra weight come from? It would seem that as a nation, this one is mostly our faults. Some people may be offended, but the fact of the matter is that Americans just eat way more than they need to.

One of the reasons for this problem could be related to the way we live our lives. Stress is a big factor in weight gain, the chemical signals sent out by the body during times of stress cause the body to store fat more easily. It is thought that this phenomena is due in part to prehistoric signals imbedded in the human genome from a time when survival was a bit harder and food didn’t come in boxes, but rather with claws and ran faster than us.

Another factor is time. Working 40-50 hours a week or more like many Americans do, and then going home to take care of the family and the house, doesn’t leave a lot of time for exercise. Not to mention, who wants to or has the energy for exercise after such a long and strenuous day? The truth is not many people do, and when running about all day like this, nobody has time to go and whip up a nice breast of chicken and sautéed mushrooms. Instead, we run to the vending machine where we pick up a 65 cent 2 pack of Pop-Tarts which fills us up just fine. It should at a whopping 430 calories. Whereas a banana costs about 75 cents, leaves you hungry in 15 minutes, and just doesn’t seem as appetizing to some. In a survey done by Context Marketing, 27% of respondents stated: “I am so busy I eat what I can, when I can”, hence the Pop-Tart example (Dolliver 2). This extraneous intake of simple sugars and lack of physical activity leads to poor insulin function, and poor insulin function leads us right to type-2 diabetes.

The problem is a little complicated because it is not only a fact of massive over consumption per se, a lot of the problem is just a consumption of the wrong types of food (Leigh 1). Grocery stores are much more likely to stock Twinkies than broccoli, sorry but they just sell more (2). The study done by Context Marketing also indicated that 68% of respondents said: “eating is one of the pleasures in life” (Dolliver 2), and I seriously doubt that these people are getting earthly pleasure from eating wheat grass and bean sprouts. Interesting how 61% of America is considered overweight (Critser 4), and 67% find that eating is a pleasure (Dolliver 2), correlation or coincidence?

Of course a lot of the issue really is overeating. People do not always eat when they are hungry. Many people are social gluttons, eating when others eat, hungry or not, and many eat due to emotional factors like stress, depression and fatigue (Holt 2). Sometimes, people just plain eat for no apparent reason, like in the experiment performed by University of Illinois professor Brian Wansink (Researcher…1). Prof. Wansink held a bogus ‘taste-test’ in which participants were given bowls of soup mounted to a counter, half were normal bowls and the other half were self-refilling bowls with tubes to a soup reservoir (1). Those with the regular bowls reported being full after finishing their bowls and some didn’t even finish the entire amount given to them (1). Those with the ‘bottomless’ bowls tended to eat up to 40% more than those with the normal bowls (1). It seems the more people are given, the more they will eat, this is kind of a scary thought in relation to “Super Size” meals and all-you-can eat buffets. The same man did a separate study involving giant and regular sized popcorn buckets at movie theaters. Subjects were given stale or fresh popcorn in one of either size and even though 82% of those with the old popcorn reported it tasted awful, those with the giant buckets ate 33% more than those with the smaller ones (2). Do people just eat because it is there? How do we solve a problem which doesn’t make sense?

The reason for all this mess, perhaps, is the fact that nobody really knows about the potential problem. Sure, everybody knows that people are obese, and that yes it is a problem to those people. But nationwide obesity is not talked about nearly as much as things like AIDS and tobacco companies. You never hear a story about a mob of people in front of a local food distributors headquarters with anti-obesity signs. People just don’t talk about being overweight, mostly because of all of the social stigma and sensitivity involved with being overweight. When asked, a group of baby-boomer parents said that they just don’t talk to their kids about being overweight because it leads to low self-esteem and eating disorders (Critser 22). This is tantamount to avoiding the “sex talk” because it will embarrass youths and make them self-conscious about their sexuality. If we never learn the correct way in the first place, then how will we ever know?

So what do we do? Well for starters, it seems of utmost importance that the parents of today take a little time out to teach their children the right way to eat and exercise so that they can start the right habits early. Just like cleaning behind the ears, children should be taught what to eat and how much is okay. It would be easy if they were raised already eating the right things in the first place.

Also, as for the general population, how many ads a day do you see telling you that the 99 cent cheeseburger has around 400 calories, and that if you eat two of them, then you have half of your calorie intake for the day and enough fat for the next two days? Is it completely unreasonable to think that a few public service announcements with celebrity personalities could save a few people from overfeeding their children at 10:00 at night?

What about foodservice too? Why is it that a can of tomato soup has a label with nutrition facts on it while a cup of deep fried potato strings does not? Perhaps like the nutritional facts that are mandatory on food labels, served food, menus, and little French-fry boxes should be tagged as well. Why not? Is it so difficult to put a few extra digits on a menu board alongside the price?

It may be a bit ridiculous sounding, but if overeating is going to kill nearly as many or more than smoking, should we perhaps put a surgeon-generals warning on certain foods that are especially bad? These things would make the average Joe on the street think a bit longer as to whether that 39 cent upgrade to their meal for another 550 calories is really such a good deal, or are they paying for it in the end? There is something to be said about knowledge.

No matter what, this is a problem that is not going to go away easily. On top of the fact that we are Americans, and we love our food, it is something that we all need to stay alive. When it is cheaper, easier and more desirable to keep around a box of doughnuts than a bundle of grapes, there is a predicament. It is time that the nation took a look at dangerous food and said enough is enough.

Works Cited

“Calorie Counter-Calories in Food and Calorie Counting to lose Weight.”

Caloriecounting.com Yahoo. Path: Directory; Health; Nutrition; Calories; Food

calorie counters.

Critser, Greg. Fat Land. New York: Houghton Mifflin. 2003.

Dolliver, Mark. “At Least Our Gluttons Are Eating Humble Pie.” Adweek. 8 March

2004.

Hellmich, Nanci. “Obesity on Track as No. 1 Killer”. USAToday. 10 March 2004.

1 April 2004.

Holt, Stephen. “Low Carbs and Syndrome X”. Better Nutrition. April 2004. 1 April 2004.

Leigh, Suzanne. “Too Much Food, Not Too Little, Plagues U.S. children.” USA Today.

10 Mar. 2004. 1 April 2004.

McVeigh, Gloria. “Your Weight is Aging Your Heart.” Prevention. Apr 2004. 1 Apr

2004.

“Obesity Statistics”. Anne Collins. www.annecollins.com. Path: Diet home;Weight Loss

Articles Index; Questions; Statistics

“Researcher Links Obesity, Food Portions.” The Miami Herald. 3 Jan 2004: Herald.com

Google. 1 Apr. 2004.Keyword: obesity and portions

Rush Limbaugh article critique

Eng.101-17-Mar. 19, 2004

This was an article critique exercise based on an article by Rush Limbaugh which was reproduced in the English textbook for the class. I apologize as I do not have a copy of the article anymore and have failed to come up with it. However the topic was adolescent sexuality, specifically sex education in schools and the practice of making condoms available for free at high schools. I hate hate hate Rush Limbaugh, his logic and style of argument are both flawed and based on logical fallacy and shallow, short-sighted "factoids". I sincerely wish that he and Nancy Grace could be marooned on a desert island somewhere with enough food and fresh water to keep fifty people alive for a century so that they could just spend eternity disagreeing with somebody as emptyheaded and unreasonable as themselves.

An Argument For the Trojan Man

The topic of adolescent sexuality, or teen sex in plain terms, is a realm of shaky ground and sensitivity. The discussion is as such because it deals with our youth in America and, moreover, the peril that today’s youth is in. With the rising rates of HIV, AIDS, and myriad venereal diseases, unprotected and promiscuous sex can have serious life altering, or life ending, consequences. Many have taken measures in an attempt to stop our youths from making the mistakes of the past, such as the implementation of new sex-ed programs, a topic of great controversy in itself. Such programs have been designed to teach the consequences of sexual promiscuity, the virtues of abstinence, and to familiarize students with venereal diseases themselves. However arguments against these programs attack them as a violation of the rights of parents, claiming that many such programs have been largely ineffective. The fact of the matter is that sadly, no matter how hard the educators and parents of America have tried, not every teen will be reached, and of those that are not every teen will make the right decision.

So now what is to be done? A policy that began to be implemented in schools is the distribution of condoms to sexually active teens. This action has caused uproar in some parents, saying it was also against the basic rights of parents. Some argued that it took away the innocence of teenagers, and sent a message that encouraged sexual activity in kids. Others felt that it was a good idea, perhaps relieving some of the angst and embarrassment felt by teens with the need to use condoms but an uncomfortability buying them. Many thought that if teen sex cannot be stopped, then at least it could be made a little safer.

Being such a monstrously controversial topic, discussion after discussion, news bit after bit, essay after essay have been put together addressing the idea of sex-ed and condom distribution. Of those, one comes from a most controversial man himself; a man with a gift for gab as well as a gift for getting under peoples skin and just plain ticking reasonable people off. An essay which appeared as part of the book The Way Things Out to Be by Rush Limbaugh, and reprinted in it’s entirety in Current Issues and Enduring Questions, an academic text by Barnet and Bedau, is one which at a distance seems convincing, but like a man of straw has little substance up close. The essay, entitled “Condom Distribution, the New Diploma” is entertaining to read but beyond that is, sadly un-backed, un-justified and would make a decent coaster in a pinch, though a bit un-absorbent.

Throughout the whole of the essay Rush provides little or no supporting evidence, and bombards the reader with what can only be called wild daydreams of worst-case scenarios, the bulk of which are simply absurd and unrealistic. Not to mention, the article is insulting to a reader’s intelligence, insulting to the subject at hand, and with such a tone is largely non-persuasive. Now, a rhetorical question, what is the point of writing a piece of persuasive literature if said piece is only capable of persuading those already on the same side—or to speak in cliché—preaching to the choir?

To begin, the title: “Condoms: the New Diploma” (not to imply that a title is much more than an attention-grabber) is a bit incorrect. Schools do not hand condoms out at the end of a sex-ed course as proof of a passing grade on the course, rather they are distributed later on a more individual basis in case the course fails to get through to the students and they end up needing a condom anyway. Perhaps a more apt title would be: “Condoms: The New GED”, but I digress.

Limbaugh begins by stating the wrongs of condom distribution; saying that the practice is ridiculous, and conveys a message that encourages sexual activity in teen years and sends the lesson of abstinence to take a back seat. This would imply that instead of any sex-ed program at all, schools are just imprudently passing prophylactics like lunch tickets. But the fact of the matter is that sex-ed curriculums are in place to teach the lesson of abstinence and the facts about sexuality as well as the potential risks of choosing to have sex. Condoms are only distributed to teens because the fact of the matter is, that teaching does not remove choice, and if teens happen to choose sex, shouldn’t it at least be made as safe as possible?

The next paragraph of the essay goes into, at the risk of sounding insulting, an unrelenting barrage of false analogies, assumptions and extreme worst-case scenarios. Limbaugh states that the idea that kids cannot be stopped from having sex can be applied to many different issues involving youths. Limbaugh argues across the slipperiest of slopes in stating:

“Let’s just admit that kids are going to do drugs and distribute safe…drugs every morning in homeroom…Kids are going to get guns and shoot them…so let’s make sure that teachers have bullet-proof vests…Why stop [at condoms]?…Let’s convert study halls to Safe Sex Centers…[with] disease-free hookers in [them].”

An entire paragraph is devoted to induction along this same vane which not only runs rampant with false analogy but contains no real factual information and is sort of a diversion from the actual subject, albeit a cleverly worded one.

Next, Limbaugh relates a story (again hypothetical) revolving around the idea that school-distributed condoms send a sort of ‘go-ahead’ signal to teens and also gives teen boys an argument to use to coerce females into saying “yes”. First of all, in order to avoid any possible mixed-messages, many school programs avidly endorse abstinence as the only safe-sex. Still, others show the results and consequences, sometimes graphically, of having unprotected, promiscuous sex. If after all of this, a teen still makes the decision to have sex, then it is not unreasonable to deduce that they were quite possibly bound to make that decision anyway.

The next paragraph states that new school policies have sort of drifted away from the old ideals of protecting young females from the natural impulses of young males. The example is given that chaperones were around to ensure the safety of young girls (Barnet and Bedau 515). Aside from this being a totally different subject, and perhaps a bit of a red-herring, such practices are archaic and verily outdated. Said practices were in place due to the belief that females were weak and in need of protecting. This happens to be a world of new ideas and if imposed now, such standards would simply re-enforce the idea of female weakness and would only be resented by teenage girls of today, causing a bigger problem as girls tried to sneak around and find ways to circumvent such rules.

Now Rush makes the valid point that the consequences of sexual behavior have become much more severe these days. In these days of increasing rates of HIV/AIDS, dying from having promiscuous sex is a frightening possibility. Limbaugh states that adults have all modified their sexual behavior for protection and that it is the duty of adults to teach that behavior to kids. But not all adults have followed that trend quite as faithfully as the passage implies. A most recent compilation of studies performed by the CDC (Center for Disease Control) shows that the amount of STD cases per year have increased in most instances and can be attributed to an “increase in sexual risk behaviors”. The next statement made by Mr. Limbaugh: “if we adults aren’t…having condom-protected sex anytime, anywhere, why should such folly be taught to our kids?” (Barnett and Bedau 516) has interesting connotations. While it is not reasonable to assert with one-hundred percent certainty the basis upon which every curriculum in the country provides its’ sex-education, it is reasonable to argue that no educator in the country so much as implies what Mr. Limbaugh is saying outright. One recent study even suggests that the rate of teen sexual activity decreased with the implementing of condom-distribution programs in schools (Robert 1).

In another far-reaching stretch, Limbaugh asks the reader if Magic Johnson would have decided to have sex with a woman who would later infect him with HIV if he was warned and was given a condom and told to not worry about it. He then claims that we are sending our youths out to do exactly the same. The point is that nobody knows who has what and that is why condoms are so widely used in the first place. And again, no educator has went right out and preached to anybody to just go out and have sex with the first thing on the street and a condom will protect you.

At long, long, last this essay begins to redeem itself when the focus changes to not condom distribution, but rather the curriculum of sexual education. Limbaugh says that we should be honest with kids about abstinence being the only surefire way to guard against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. He then attacks those who oppose such information being taught in school. These arguments actually could not be more true.

Out of all of the possible and proposed answers to any difficulty the human race has faced, there have always and will always be those who doubt and those who fight. No matter how complete or crafty a proposed solution may seem, there will always be another side. The issue of teen sex and the dangers of early post-pubescent promiscuity is like all other problems in that it will not easily be solved without the full cooperation of all involved. There however remains one constant; nobody ever became pregnant or infected from abstaining. But no matter how fervently we try to educate, some fall through, and some ignore the lessons taught. So if we cannot stop the problem, do we just give up? Or do we take other measures so that at least the consequences can be curbed a bit. In essence, that is what we’ve been doing. Just the same as controversial programs which distribute clean hypodermic needles to IV drug uses, condom distribution in schools is just meant to put a cap on the already increasing dangers. No matter what happens, you can teach, you can preach, but the fact still remains that choice is free and undeniable, whether dangerous or not.

Works Cited

Barnet, Sylvan, and Hugo, Bedau. Current Issues and Enduring Questions. Boston:

Bedford/St. Martens, 2002.

“Cases of STD reported by State Health Departments and Rates Per 100,000 Civilian

Population: US 1996-2002” Avert.org 12 Mar. 2004. Path: sexually transmitted

Diseases. STD Stats for USA.

Marus, Robert. “Studies involving Condom Distribution Spurs Controversy in ‘pro-

family’ circles” APB News.com 12 Mar. 2004. www.apbnews.com/apbnews/story.cfm?newsid=3609

Why in Gods name was this paper late?

Behind every reason, every excuse, there is a story. Some of which are as old as the hills and twice as…hilly. Some are colorful or interesting, some ridiculous. This is the story of how a jungle of copper wiring and gold-plated connections obliterated beyond recovery any trace of what was quite possibly the finest piece of prose ever created.

‘Twas the eve of one on several days of spring break, and unlike MTV would have one imagine, not all college students gallivant off to Florida or the islands, and not all of them are perfectly tan and built like models for Abercrombie. For one, lone student sat at his computer, yours truly, and began to pour over resources and essay materials when suddenly, possessed by the muse of writing, his fingers flew across a small black cordless keyboard at an amazing rate. Keys, words and fingertips were all a blur as the friction caused was just below enough to liquify most plastics and the work on the screen became, nay, flowered into what would be perhaps the most stunning work of writing since the first runes on cave walls. For some reason, the arrival of the female of the species was cause for enough distraction to pull the creator away from his prose. And after a bit of time, the wonder of technology which was home to the writing piece began to enter it’s pre-programmed slumber. But alas, somewhere within the city of LED’s, spinning metal discs, copper wires, and silicone chips, a hiccup-a tiny spark was enough to destroy an entire piece of beautiful writing, rendering it ‘corrupt and unreadable’. So in a matter of a few days, an attempt was made to replace the lost poetry. But once art is gone, it is gone and so sadly the work presented to you today is simply not the miracle that its’ predecessor was. And is also, irrevocably, late.

3 Problems with society essay

Eng. 101-17-Jan. 26, 2004

This was yet another rudamentary 3-part essay format. This time the subject was 3 problems inherent in society. Simple, but not a bad piece.

A Concern for All Involved?

Since the beginning of what is considered the civilized man, society has been plagued by a plethora of difficulties. For eons, societies have struggled with war, pestilence, poverty, and an endless list of hardships. Humankinds’ ultimate goal, a utopia where all live equally and happily, has become a unicorn of sorts. Even under the umbrella of great infrastructure—of governments and policies, monarchies and decrees, existing in the present—poverty, corruption, war, crime and a great many other ghosts haunt mankind. These problems are all seemingly unrelated; although, if since the beginning of civilized thought, humankind has evolved, grew and advanced beyond all expectation, then why does a “more advanced” civilization still face the same primeval shortcomings as always? One underlying and glaringly obvious constant is man. After all, it is man that has always had such crosses to bear. Could it be not a shortcoming in the system, but rather a flaw in the creator of the system itself? Perhaps much of what plagues society today directly relates to humanities’ inherent penchant for corruption, lack of compassion and lack of responsibility.

Crime is not a problem in and of itself; crime is more a product of an idea which is a bit more nefarious and rudimentary. After all, in order to solve a problem, the root of

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the problem must be identified. Crime of all sorts, from murder to petty theft, is all a direct product of the ease with which the human mind is corrupted. A person corrupt is not necessarily devilish or evil. Instead, a person who has become corrupt seems to care more about the payoff of their actions and not the real consequences. An arsonist may get a wonderful rush from turning a trailer park into a bonfire; however, the same individual never sits and imagines the pain of losing ones home or even life for the thrill of another person. Unfortunately, the truth is that the wrong way is more often the easy way, even though the wrong way often involves hurting others. Government officials may be bribed with a higher spot on the totem pole in order to keep an incident or shortcoming quiet. It is never the victims which are held in mind when they are actually victimized.

Much of the corruption which appears in society could be construed as a lack of compassion. Ignoring those less fortunate or those in need has become a growing trend. Passing up the homeless without so much as a glance, or ignoring someone being attacked or robbed just in sight can show as much of a lack of compassion as does robbing man of his hard-earned money on the street. In many self-defense classes taught to women in the inner cities, pupils are instructed that, if attacked, it is more constructive to yell “fire” than it is to yell “help” simply because nobody around will react to a call for ‘help’, but many more will respond to the danger of a fire. It seems citizens feel as if helping a fellow human in need is just not worth the trouble. If people showed more compassion towards one another, perhaps crime would be much less abundant, and with more people working harmoniously, maybe civilization could advance more readily.

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So what is being done about the problems with society today? About the same as was being done one thousand years ago: not much. Of course crime is being fought, and the poor are being helped, but to what extent? It is not enough for a small fraction of the population to go feed gruel to the homeless. For the most part, only those who are paid law enforcers try to stop criminal acts, and many law officials are corrupt or ‘dirty’ themselves. The unspoken attitude seems to be: “it’s not my problem”. But in many ways, the burden lies on all those who expect to live in a civilized society. For the problems of mankind to be solved and not simply fought, an effort must be made on the part of every human being.

Perhaps the trouble is that societies problems are mostly only the concern of those who fall prey to such problems. Many citizens will live out their lives without want of anything, and never fall victim of a crime or become impoverished. Is this a good sign, or maybe an excuse for inaction? In the future, mankind may learn to think more of others instead; however, for now, it seems enough for many to either contribute to the problem, or simply stay out of it.

Self-introduction essay, ENG 101-117

This project was actually one of my personal all-time favorite assignments. I always enjoy an assignment with built-in room for creativity. This was meant as an introductory "all-about-me" assignment at the beginning of an English 101 class in which we build a "users manual" for ourselves as if we were going to hand it to a family member or significant other. The idea is ingenious really, it quickly gives a multidimensional profile of the student while simultaneously allowing them to showcase their current writing strengths, creativity, and understanding / ability in regards to document processing / formatting.

Pictures and some formatting are not coming through on this for one reason or another, I'll overhaul it later... sorry about the mess.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Primary Instruction Manual

for Nominal Use

(Ver 9.0)

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Primary Instruction Manual

for Nominal Use

(Ver 9.0)

Contents:

A.) Specifications

B.) Accessories

C.) Primary Functions of Your MMF-N8

D.) Internal Operations

E.) Regular Scheduled/Unscheduled Maintenance

F.) Recommendations for Safe Usage of Your MMF-N8

G.) Warning Indicators

H.) Repair Procedures

I.) Index

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Sec. A. Specifications

Congratulations on the purchase of your new model Multifunction Man-friend

N1784, and welcome to the new wave of the future. As an owner of the newest in NT Manfriend Mainframe Technology, you are part of a close-knit and elite family. Your particular model is the N8 version and is unique and different from any other version, as is the case with every MMF produced by Adco. We at Adco strive to provide ongoing service and state of the art technology with a friendly edge. If followed closely, the instructions enclosed in this manual will allow you to continue to enjoy your Multifunction Man-friend for decades to come. Thank you for purchasing your new Multifunction Man-friend. For a list of extra physical uses for your MMF, please see the enclosed pamphlet entitled Physical Romantic Relationship Functions, complete with illustrated diagrams and helpful tips. For a list of local distributors, visit www.adco.com/mmf/spec or call 1-859-mmf-adco (1-859-663-2326)

Physical Specifications of your Multifunction Man-friend N8- Your Mulifunction

Man-friend unit is built to individual specifications. As per your specific order, your MMF has been built to be 6’3” tall and weighs 185lbs at the time of shipping and is considered to have a(n) athletic-average body build. A combination referred to as tall-dark/handsome .

Your MMF’s combination type is indicative

of the types and models of accessories available

for purchase for use with your specific MMF.

Your MMF will continue to hold these

specifications for years to come if operated

properly and treated well.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Accessories Included:

Your Multifuntion Man-Friend comes packaged with a number of accessories already included for nominal use. These accessories are covered by the same warrantee and terms of usage as your MMF and include:

--Full function, multiseasonal wardrobe

--Job non-career low-level /temporary (Applebees server)

--Cellular phone

--Personal Effects

-wallet

- $400 cash USD/ $5,000 Student Debt

-Multiple Picture Identification

--Vehicle ’96 Grand Am (Pontiac)

Adco also offers a wide variety of other additional accessories for purchase that are not included in your MMF startup package. For details and ordering information see enclosed catalog or visit www.adco.com/mmf/access/.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Primary Functions:

Your Multifunction Man-Friend will perform a number of primary as well as peripheral functions. Primary functions are those which will be noticeable to you as well as those around you.

Protection: Model N8 is equipped with NT Instinctive Protection processors and programmed with intermediate level protective technique training and intuitive situational awareness. Your Multifunction Man-friend will, even at the cost of it’s own well-being protect you if some situation my arise.

WARNING: Your MMF is not programmed with common sense and will not back down from an obvious “losing battle”. In the event that you MMF will inevitably fail or be damaged, it is up to you to drag him away, failure to do so may result in damage of parts/ ego.

Heating: Your MMF will put out

nearly 40,000 btu of body heat daily,

and maintain a constant 98 degrees

Fahrenheit. Your MMF is therefore

capable of intense warming and is

great for situations of extreme chilliness

or discomfort. In addition, your MMF

is equipped with Partner Comfort

Sensitivity ™, and in the event that

your MMF cannot keep you

comfortable of it’s own means, will

seek other means, e.g: relinquishing

of jacket, seeking shelter, starting a

trash fire, etc.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Chivalry: Your MMF is programmed with Windows Chivalmaster 2.01.7, a chivalry program centered around manners and sensitivity. Though the program is not without it’s faults, it will allow your MMF to perform important functions quickly and automatically such as opening doors, carrying heavy loads, driving, and paying automatically in any situation.

WARNING: Your MMF is not programmed with common sense, and will over-lift, strain and cause self injury and damage of parts/ego. In addition, your MMF will adjust personal budgeting to fit your needs and may overspend on occasion.

Entertainment: Your MMF is programmed with an Evolutionary Mainframe Technology ™, and will constantly self-improve and create. Your MMF is pre-programmed with a number of quips, jokes, ideas, and foolish behaviors to keep you entertained and will continue to create more as time passes. In addition, your behaviors in relation to your MMF’s actions will cause your MMF to adjust said actions to maximize pleasure and useage.

Attention: Your MMF is pre-programmed with Partner Emotion Alertness ™ and will spend much of it’s peripheral processes focused on your happiness and comfort, as such, it will be necessary for you to spend an equal amount of your thoughts on the comfort and happiness of your MMF. Your MMF will adjust to your particular level of need and act in kind, so you will never experience stifling, smothering, or lack of validation.

--Snuggle Mode ® : Your MMF is capable of the process called Snuggle Mode. In “snuggle mode” your MMF will emit increased amounts of body heat, adjust voice volume/intensity/inflection, and will become immensely capable of self disclosure. In addition, in snuggle mode, your MMF will actually be willing to watch movies that are considered to be “chick flicks” and may even shed a tear on occasion. Such behaviors should be accepted as normal or even ignored in order to avoid damage to primary ego circuits.

--Hand grasp action/PDA: Your MMF will, in most situations, attempt to perform the hand grasp action, in which he will hold onto your hand gently in an

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

attempt to establish bond, escort, or establish territorial markers. In the case of excessive Hand grasp activation, use emergency quick release located on back of neck. In addition, your MMF is equipped with PDA appropriateness sensibility, and will, in some circumstances perform the occasional act of PDA. In the event of the arrival and targeting of ex-boyfriends, jealous friends, or best friends, your MMF will increase it’s output of PDA. Similarly, in the presence of parents, family, employers, large groups, or in the event of an uncomfortable social situation, your MMF can adjust, lowering it’s output of PDA and even stopping altogether.

--Validation: Your MMF is equipped with the latest of sensitivity programming and listening skills that Windows technology has to offer. In all of its operations, your MMF will attempt to communicate freely/openly, share ideas, listen, and be mindful and aware of your emotions and moods. Your MMF may not perfectly match all of your moods all of the time with the appropriate responses right away, but in time will adapt to more efficiently perform the Validation function.

WARNING: Your MMF is not equipped with any version of Windows Mindread, or any Mindread technology. Please be aware that as such, your MMF will not be able to read thoughts. Failure to recognize this function may cause damage to primary ego circuits, emotion circuits, and even voiding of Warrantee.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Internal Operations:

Your Multifunction Man-friend is programmed to have needs and wants just like any human being would. As such, after your MMF is activated, it will need varying amounts of attention, nourishment, etc. Your MMF will continue to function to it’s highest degree if these needs are met. Take care of your MMF and it will continue to surprise you and function to constantly increasing degrees of efficiency for years to come.

Attention Requirements:

Your Multifunction Man-friend will need some amounts of your time. Your MMF is able to adjust to meet your needs and will normally function above normal parameters with even the smallest amounts of time/attention. It is important that you call your MMF nearly once every day at least. In the event that you are unable to call, a text message will serve as a ready replacement. In the beginning, you need to spend at least a few hours, a few days a week with your MMF. The amount of attachment your MMF will exhibit towards you is in direct relation to the amount of time/attention you spend on your MMF.

Motive-Master 01N8-7:

Your Multifunction Man-friend is equipped with the Motive-Master 01N8-7. As such, your Multifunction Man-friend is not pre-programmed with internal motives out of the factory; rather your MMF will begin to create internal motives upon activation and will continue to adapt these motives in relation to your own. The Motive-Master technology does ensure that your MMF will seek to build a Long-term relationship out of any extraordinary Short-term relationship that exhibits certain qualities. Your MMF will, in addition, seek out your companionship and affinity to increasing degrees. For reference on your MMF’s motives for Physical Romantic relationships, please see the enclosed illustrated manual entitled Physical Romantic Relationship Functions for full explanations of functions and abilities.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Regularly Scheduled Maintenance

Your Multifunction Man-friend will need regular fuel and maintenance in order to continue to function within normal parameters. If these needs are met, your MMF will continue to surprise and amaze you for years to come: however, failure to meet these needs may cause decreased performance, damage to parts/ ego circuits, and may void Warrantee.

Fuel Requirements: Your MMF is programmed

to be able to meet it’s own food-fuel needs and

sleep requirements. However, your MMF will adapt

it’s habits in regards to sleep and nourishment in

relation to your behaviors just like any other habit

already inherent in your MMF’s systems. Your

MMF model N8 may be prone

to somewhat excessive drinking/partying and smoking

These habits can be reduced and even stopped

given some time and effort.

WARNING: Your MMF is not programmed with common sense, as such, above listed behaviors, if bolstered, will continue to increase without bound, please be sure to adjust in kind to avoid any damage of parts or voiding of Warrantee.

Attention Requirements: Your Multifunction Man-friend will not only require emotional attention, but also physical attention (see enclosed Physical Romantic Relationship pamphlet for further details). Again, the amount of attention you give to your MMF will create an amount of attachment that is equivalent. It is difficult to outline the specific emotional attention your MMF will need from time to time, as your MMF is created to be as dynamic and complicated as any human. The physical attention necessary to keep your MMF running smoothly can be found in the enclosed pamphlet and also includes:

-hand hold

-PDA (where appropriate)

-conversing

-sharing

-time logged with your MMF

but is not limited to the above.

Time Away: Your MMF is programmed to function much like any normal human being, as such, it will require some decreasing amounts of time away from your interaction. Your MMF will seek to meet it’s sleep, work, school, and family needs as well as occasionally seeking to spend time with it’s “other friends”. It is best to allow these behaviors to take place to avoid any overloading of need circuitry as well as any ‘stifling’ or ‘smothering’ that may take place.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Reccomendations for Safe Useage

Your Multifunction Man-friend will continue to hold up and perform after decades of usage given that it is not mistreated and any warning lights are met with appropriate actions. Physical damage of parts can often be self-repaired, while emotional damage of internal processes may take more time/effort on your part. It is recommended that you read through this section in it’s entirety in order to know how to handle your MMF’s varying needs.

Roughhousing

In the event of any roughhousing, or related tomfoolery, your MMF is equipped with Windows NT Holdbak Technology. Your MMF will never use anywhere above 20% of it’s normal strength and abilities in the case of any roughhousing or tomfoolery. In the event that your MMF were to cause any injury, your MMF will go into guilt mode and will begin to catering until sufficient amends are made. Such catering behaviors may include but are not limited to:

-kiss/ make better

-flowers

-favors

-concern/extreme guilt

-massage mode

Warning Indicators

In the event that your MMF’s needs go unmet or met insufficiently, your MMF will provide you with warning indicators. Physical and Emotional indicators can be easy to spot and easily remedied. Simply be sure to pay some amount of attention to your MMF in case it begins to display any of these indicators.

--Fatigue: Your Multifunction Man-friend may begin to, for one reason or another, exhibit signs of fatigue such as, altered posture/gait, swollen eyes, reduced performance, decreased humor, inability to remember, decreased verbosity, “Crankiness”, etc. it is important that once these signs are displayed that your MMF’s sleep and rest needs are met soon in order to avoid any further decrease in performance.

--Physical Illness: Your Multifunction Man-Friend is capable of contraction many illnesses just like any normal human being would and will display exactly the same symptoms. It is important that once these symptoms arise, that your MMF receives increased attention and is forced to rest. Your MMF will refuse to rest of it’s own accord

unless forced.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

--Damaged Ego/Emotions: If you by neglect or action damage your MMF’s ego or emotion circuitry, your MMF is designed with the Intel Forgiveness Processor 2BT: however, this function will not work if an apology is not initiated or amends are not made. In such a case, your MMF will go into “Sulk Mode” and will display similar symptoms as outlined in the section labeled “Fatigue”. The longer your MMF is kept in “Sulk Mode” the worse symptoms will become and it may become more difficult to activate the Forgiveness Processor. For best results, it is recommended that the apology or amends process is initiated as soon as possible to avoid further damage to ego/ emotion circuits.

Multifunction Man-friend N1784 (N8)

Extended Warrantee Information

Your Multifunction Man-friend comes packaged with an extended lifetime warrantee. Under the Warrantee your MMF will continue to make self-repairs and will continue to function wonderfully. If you fail to meet your MMF’s needs for an extended or extreme period of time, your Warrantee may become null and void. For further information, contact Adco customer service at 1-859-mmf-adco ext. 158.

Automatic Voiding of Warrantee

If you choose to cheat on, stab, shoot, burn, run over or otherwise intentionally cause serious bodily harm to your Multifunction Man-friend beyond the ability to self-repair, your warrantee will become null and void and your MMF may refuse to return your calls or myspace messages.